The Steely Dad M.I. Sandwich

Posted on 14 August 2009
Tags: Funny SAHD

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE food. I mean I REALLY love food. All types of food, I love. When I’m eating lunch, I’m already planning my dinner. When it comes to food, I’m like a grandmaster chess player, figuring out three, four meals ahead. I could go on and on about how much I love food but hopefully by now you know just how much I really, really love food.

Since getting married and becoming a stay-at-home dad (SAHD), I’ve also grown an appreciation for gourmet cooking. I enjoy coming up with a new edible idea and executing it to my own exacting standards. Recently I developed a sandwich I affectionately named the M.I. Sandwich. Can you guess what the M.I. stands for? Read how I make it, have a look at the photo and then take a guess. The first person who guesses correctly will win some sort of dishonorable mention on my blog.

So here’s how to make the Steely Dad M.I. Sandwich:

Toast a bagel to your liking (I like it lightly toasted so it’s not too hard)
Fry an egg over sleazy
Cook at least 3 pieces of bacon. Now this is the critical part. IT MUST BE Kirkland (Costco) Premium Center Cut Maple Bacon. This is the bacon that G-d himself prepares when he has a hankering for some swine. Don’t try to substitute on this ingredient. Trust me!
Once the bagel is done and is still hot, add a light coating of butter to both sides of bagel so that it gets into all the nooks and crannies. Let cool a bit then add an unhealthy (heaping) portion of WHIPPED cream cheese to both sides of the bagel as well. Add the egg, add the bacon and top off with other side of bagel.
Voilá! Your M.I. Sandwich is now ready to be devoured.

IMPORTANT STEPS BEFORE TAKING YOUR FIRST BITE:

Please sign and date the attached Liability Waiver, which was prepared by Steely Dad’s Legal Counsel.
Ensure you have a working defibrillator on hand.
Mainline some Red Yeast Rice Extract or statin medication.
Make an appointment to see your cardiologist.

Here’s what it should look like: Steely Dad M.I. Sandwich

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I’m sure you could add your own little twists to this culinary masterpiece so feel free to share. Good luck!

simplefather

I stopped reading at bacon. That was all I needed to hear. I haven't tried it yet, but it looks delicious.

Mom_In_High_Heels

As a non meat eater (shut up, fish is not meat), that sandwich makes me queasy. It looks...painful. I think my arteries clog a little just looking at it. I'd rather eat the afor mentioned sponge than that thing. No offense intended. I'm sure my dh would be all over it given half a chance. He'd eat a whole cow (or pig in this case) if I let him. Just to clarify, I do not keep him away from meat, but I don't cook it, so if he wants it badly enough, he has to cook it himself or take me out to eat (which is really the better option and a win-win).
I commend you on your foray into the culinary world.

steelydad

My brother-in-law is an almost-vegan (he can't keep away from cheese). He's also a chef. I once helped him cater a wedding by preparing the food. Do you know how he spends ALL his time? By trying to make all that vegan food taste like meat. This is a typical statement, "Taste this seitan. Doesn't it taste just like chicken?" or "Doesn't this bean curd taste just like steak?" No, it doesn't and it NEVER will! Anyhow, I LOVE meat but I'm not one of these people who thinks he's superior because I do eat meat. In fact, I don't even mind if vegetables touch my meat on the same plate. I'm an open-minded meatatarian. All I can tell you is that if you tried this sandwich, you'd be eating meat like a caveman.

Scott Yellen

So long McDonalds! We won't be needing your McMuffins anymore.

steelydad

Wow, I'm flattered that you'd put the Steely Dad M.I. Sandwich in the same sentence with the most famous of all breakfast sandwiches. Ray Kroc would be rolling over in his McGrave.

Timmah

i want one. any sandwich including TWO seasoning fats AND bacon. How could it possibly be bad?

steelydad

Brotha, it's as tasty as tasty can get. You will curse me once you're addicted.

SurprisedMom

Medical Insurance. That's the only M I that made sense to me. But, what a way to go! The sandwich looks so delicious. The saddest thing is that I can't eat eggs. I'm allergic to them. I can only eat egg beaters. I just don't think egg beaters would make it on this sandwich.
By the way, I would sit down at your table any day. I am not a cook, but I love to eat. I am a fan of talented, creative chefs.

steelydad

If you used one of those egg "shaper" gadgets (not sure the technical term) you could probably pull it off with egg beaters. Anytime you want to break bread, let me know!

Out-Numbered

I don't know what's more gorgeous, the sandwich or the China. Very Classy!

steelydad

LOL, dude, I was wondering when someone was going to comment on the China. Leave it to my ol' buddy, J-dawg. Nice going, bro!

Steely Wife

As Steely-Wife, I have to say this breakfast is delectable but immediately sends me up a size in my jeans----I think I actually saw my thighs expand while eating it. So, I've modifed it: I use a "Flat Out" tortilla (9 grams of fiber!), spread non-fat cream cheese (Todd refuses to have that in the same fridge, must use downstairs dorm-size fridge for that item), use Trader Joe's Turkey Bacon (only Turkey Bacon with decent taste) and Eggland's Best Egg, b/c it has less fat and still tastes delicious. Sprinkle sea salt, roll up and enjoy without ending up in a Mu-Mu after a few weeks!

steelydad

Everyone, disregard this abomination of the M.I. Sandwich. Pretend you never read it. I've got to bulk up my spam filter!

PJ Mullen

Come on man, it's the Steely Dad (got it right this time!) M.I. Sandwich 2.0. At least I would use a whole wheat bagel :)

steelydad

Yea, I might have to lower my standards.

R_Mattocks

yeah, my wife would be all over that baby. My Ukrainian heritage, however, has betrayed me, denying me a lifetime of eating anything more thrilling than a sponge. Still, dang that sounds good.

steelydad

Dude, you're seriously hilarious! A sponge? I dig Ukrainian food, like borscht and I believe petcha (I prefer it with ox tails) is also from that region. Just try it bro!

R_Mattocks

Borscht is pretty good. My grandma made this soup called Kapusta - basically it cabbage & a week's worth of table scraps. It's actually tasty, but 7 times more effective than Colon Blow Tablets.

steelydad

Dude, just reading your description made me get the runs!

zmcg

I was guessing "major indigestion" but I see I am incorrect. And totally trying this.

steelydad

Definitely an "A" for creativity. I promise, you won't be disappointed.

RuthWT

That's too easy....I think it stands for MUST INGEST!!!

steelydad

Hey sis, you definitely get an "A" for creativity!

Eric D. Bolton

I hope that is an actual sized pic...

steelydad

Absolutely!

otter321

Well obviously I voted for Myocardial Infarction sandwich as well. The important thing is that you used the two greates flavor agents since the origins of food, butter and pork fat. Nicely done.

steelydad

Yup, you're right, Otter. Yea, nothing goes better together than bacon fat and butter. Bon appetit!

PJ Mullen

I'm going with Myocardial Infarction :) Nice job, man. You're on your way to your own cookbook. I'd love to try it, but, unfortunately, the bagel kills it for me. Those things are carb crazy and makes my blood sugar soar. I learned that one the hard way.

steelydad

You're right too, PJ! Man, there are some smart mofo's in the Steely Dad Nation. Or was it all the heart attack hints that I included in the post? Dude, why don't you make your M.I. sandwich "protein" style. Substitute lettuce for the bagel. If you've ever been to the famous burger stand in California called In-N-Out then you know all about "protein" style. Let me know if you do it and if you do, let me know if you liked it.

PJ Mullen

Ha! protein style, that is how my wife orders her burgers at Red Robin. To me, that is just wrong. I'll probably do it with some crusty bread. That stuff doesn't hit me as bad. Never been out to In-n-Out, but have always wanted to. I've only been two Cali twice on business in the Newport Beach area. The defribillator comment helped, but I was pretty sure where you were going. The pictures made my arteries harden, so I knew I was right :)

steelydad

Good use of deduction, PJ. I can't believe you were in SoCal and DIDN'T go to In-N-Out! What's your problem??? That place is THE BEST! You must get the Animal Style fries. Ridiculously delicious! If you were in Newport Beach you could've went to the one on Avery Parkway or there is one in Long Beach. I know the locations of every In-N-Out from San Ysidro to Barstow!

PJ Mullen

Was but a peon, despite my VP title back in those days. This is a 11, 12 years ago. Its all good though, we spent every other night at steakhouses that had a line of Ferrari's out front. I would love to live out there if it weren't so godforsaken expensive.

steelydad

Can't complain if you're rocking steakhouses. Admittedly, Cali's "sun tax" can be pretty hefty but I think it's only in the form of lower wages. All the other cost of living expenses are not that much more than other places (except maybe real estate). It's impossible to beat the weather, though.

WeaselMomma

I am a super picky eater (read freak). Most culinary creations form top chefs will not enter this palate willingly. That however looks Fantasmic and I can't wait to try it! I like my eggs whites only over hard though. M.I.? Hmmm, what does M.I. stand for? Myro-cardial Infarction?

steelydad

Eggs over hard? Should I even ask? Well, I hope you enjoy this sandwich. Let me know. And you're right...it does stand for myocardial infarction. Wow, I'm very impressed!