…I mean, if that’s OK with you, Honey…
We are dads, dads of all shapes, sizes, creeds and colors. Perhaps some of us are of the “stay-at-home” varietal while others are of the more traditional 9-5 type. Some of us know how to take a rectal temperature while others would use the same instrument for an oral reading. Some of us can change a poopy diaper faster and with more flair than Rudolf Nuriev pirouetting across the stage and others would have to consult instructions before attempting such a daunting task. Nonetheless, we are bound by the common thread of being seed sewers. At the very heart of it, we are still hunters and we feel an obligation to be the very foundation upon which our families depend for support, for sustenance and for the evening’s TV lineup. Yet, we don’t command, nor do we demand, the sort of respect and status in society of which we are over-deserving. Think about it guys. How many times have you been walking your kid in the park only to be told that you aren’t pushing the carriage correctly or that you are not feeding your kid with the proper method? What is the ratio between the unsolicited advice you receive from, of all people, moms, and the unsolicited advice you offer to them? And all the while we keep a stupid grin on our face because we’ve been taught that we deserve whatever treatment we receive. Society says that we can’t multitask but show me a mom who can feed the baby cold BBQ beef ribs left over from last night’s dinner, get all the scores from Sports Center, burn tonight’s dinner and melt pantyhose in the clothes dryer all while rocking an ice-cold six pack? Huh? Show me a mom who can do that and I’ll show you a dude pretending to be a mom.
Perhaps you may have guessed that I am a “stay-at-home” and I’m proud to be for it’s the toughest and most important job I’ve ever had. I’ve taken the ridicule from people, both men and women, who look at me funny, who make comments about my, um, masculinity. No wonder it’s driven me, not to drinking or gambling or trap shooting, but to sewing and salsa dancing. In the immortal words of Ignacio in the movie, Nacho Libre, “Maybe it’s time for me to find another duty!”
This is the call to revolution, to stand up and be counted as a dad, as someone with equally important, but perhaps different, abilities and knowledge to pass along to his offspring. For example, it’s critical to know that a full house beats a flush every time. And although many of my daddy blogger predecessors have done much to advance our struggle, I want to be the Susan B. Anthony of daddies worldwide. I want to bring legitimacy and honor to our people, a proud people with a rich and vibrant history that has been impugned and disparaged in recent millennia. I am sounding the trumpet, men!
How will we do it, guys? Through a strategic and honed public relations message replete with celebrity testimonials and time-honored brainwashing methods? Nah! The only way to achieve our goal is through a revolution based in, drenched in, self-
defecating deprecating humor. We must laugh at each other and at ourselves. Although fatherhood is serious business, we can’t take it too seriously. To that end, this website is dedicated to each and every dad out there who wants to laugh and to remember why he became a dad in the first place. It’s intended to unite us in our quest for honor and dignity. It’s a place where we can share daddy tips, from how to “thank” the woman who just “suggested” you not wipe your kids butt on the freshly mowed lawn at the park, to tips on how to get away for a weekend with the fellas without being served with divorce papers upon your return. Yes, it’s all here at Steelydad.com. We want to hear your stories, your tips, your fantasies (talking baseball and football leagues, here guys) and we want to be a complete resource for all dads, from the rookie to the grizzled veteran. By so doing, we will reclaim our rightful dominion: complete obsequiousness to our wives.
You should also know my wife gave me permission to write all this stuff. See? I still wear the pants in my family.