The Non-Invite

by Steely Dad on February 24, 2009

As a stay-at-home dad (SAHD), one gets used to being the minority. It goes with the territory. Over the years, I’ve become quite used to the stares and the comments, the giggles. I’ve also come to grips with the fact that I often get overlooked for such events as “Girls’ Night Out.” This happened quite often with some of the other mom groups with which I used to roll.

But it’s different with the yentas. They actually make an effort to make me feel “accepted” and they really go out of their way. The yentas invite me to their regular dining get-togethers.

It’s strange, though, because whenever they invite me out with the girls, it’s usually done on the same day of the event. I have to say, this must be the most spontaneous group of moms because they are capable of deciding on a location, arranging for babysitters and promoting said party all within a few hours. I’m actually quite impressed because usually if you want someone to attend a party you’re throwing, you ask them with more than a few hours notice, right? Well, you do if attendance is a priority.

Yesterday, however, I was extended an invitation with a generous hour’s notice.

Last night my wife ran into one of the yentas who happened to mention that the group was congregating for dinner and I was welcome to join them. How sincere, don’t you think? Doesn’t this amount to a non-invite? What’s a non-invite? It’s when you invite someone under circumstances that ensure a no-show by the invitee. For example, “Hey, I know you’re having oral surgery tomorrow for that recurring wisdom tooth but we’re having a party that just happens to be scheduled during the exact same hours as you’ll be completely unconscious with loads of anesthesia. Would you like to join us?” That’s a classic non-invite.

I really do appreciate the effort that the yentas make to include me but they must know that I’m on to them and their sneaky ways. It doesn’t take a genius to read into their motivations. One of these days I might just surprise them and accept their generous offer. Then we’ll see just how “inclusive” the yentas are with respect to outsiders, especially ones who don’t sit when they pee.

In all seriousness, though, it is nice of the yentas’ to invite me. As the old adage goes, it’s the non-invite that counts.

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