The Non-Invite

Posted on 24 February 2009
Tags: Funny SAHD

As a stay-at-home dad (SAHD), one gets used to being the minority. It goes with the territory. Over the years, I’ve become quite used to the stares and the comments, the giggles. I’ve also come to grips with the fact that I often get overlooked for such events as “Girls’ Night Out.” This happened quite often with some of the other mom groups with which I used to roll.

But it’s different with the yentas. They actually make an effort to make me feel “accepted” and they really go out of their way. The yentas invite me to their regular dining get-togethers.

It’s strange, though, because whenever they invite me out with the girls, it’s usually done on the same day of the event. I have to say, this must be the most spontaneous group of moms because they are capable of deciding on a location, arranging for babysitters and promoting said party all within a few hours. I’m actually quite impressed because usually if you want someone to attend a party you’re throwing, you ask them with more than a few hours notice, right? Well, you do if attendance is a priority.

Yesterday, however, I was extended an invitation with a generous hour’s notice.

Last night my wife ran into one of the yentas who happened to mention that the group was congregating for dinner and I was welcome to join them. How sincere, don’t you think? Doesn’t this amount to a non-invite? What’s a non-invite? It’s when you invite someone under circumstances that ensure a no-show by the invitee. For example, “Hey, I know you’re having oral surgery tomorrow for that recurring wisdom tooth but we’re having a party that just happens to be scheduled during the exact same hours as you’ll be completely unconscious with loads of anesthesia. Would you like to join us?” That’s a classic non-invite.

I really do appreciate the effort that the yentas make to include me but they must know that I’m on to them and their sneaky ways. It doesn’t take a genius to read into their motivations. One of these days I might just surprise them and accept their generous offer. Then we’ll see just how “inclusive” the yentas are with respect to outsiders, especially ones who don’t sit when they pee.

In all seriousness, though, it is nice of the yentas’ to invite me. As the old adage goes, it’s the non-invite that counts.

Surfer Jay

Thats awesome. Of course it's one thing to go hang out with a group of women with all the kids, but would you really want to go to diner with a group of women? But it's the thought...that would of counted if they actually offered a regular invite, if not an un-invite. Hey, it would have been the thought that counted.

steelydad

Yea, Jay, you're right. I wouldn't really want to hang out with a bunch of women at a restaurant, bowling alley and/or shooting range. Trust me, my wife used to make me attend Bunko night with the ladies and although it was fun for a while, you just realize it isn't really you're scene. The story was written tongue-in-cheek to give the yentas a dab of guilt. Seriously, I really do enjoy the yentas and I've developed some great friendships with some of them. I think they do want to be inclusive. It's just fun to give them some grief. The ones who know me know that I mean no malice.

Leenie

I think there's a possibility that it wasn't actually an "un-invite". Maybe whoever was planning it was waiting for confirmation from the others so it wouldn't be so akward. I may have pulled that on a co-worker before.
HOWEVER if it is an "un-invite", that's just rude. When you seen one of them ask her how it went. When you're done pretending that you're listening to her, say: "That sounds like fun. I wish I had known earlier. I would have gone." Make a sad face and walk away. This will make her feel bad. Women like to fix problems with food. I'm thinking you can get some homebaked cookies or maybe some nice rugelach out of it. When you get the pastry, tell the others how delicious it was and how nice it was to give it to you. Another will try to out- do her and give you something more elaborate.This may go on and keep you in yummy snacks for awhile. Yes, it is ther girl equivalent of a pissing contest.

steelydad

The "un-invite" is when someone invites you to a gig but then retracts the invite. This is not the case with the yentas. They much prefer the "non-invite" which is inviting someone to a party or event that they know the person cannot attend. In any case, once again, your advice is right on! I could really use some tasty baked goods but the yentas seem impervious to guilt. Trust me, I've tried :) But I will give it another go!