Fear of Flying with Kids

Fear of Flying with Kids and Tuberculosis

Posted on 24 March 2009
Tags: Funny SAHD

We’re flying today. Yup, me, Steely Wife and two Steely Kids are taking to the skies. 35,000 feet in the air, we will be propelled through time and space to reach our destination. Where are we going? Well, that’s classified.

I hate flying but for not for the reasons you might assume. In the past, I had a fear of flying but after having kids that aversion went away with free time and drunken orgies. Even with these recent crashes http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Travel/story?id=7156889&page=1 I’m not afraid of the dreaded airplane “malfunction.” Like I said, I’ve got two wives and a kid two kids and a wife and nothing can instill fear in a man more than those statistics especially when going through airport security (with car seats and strollers). It’s a pain and is much more frightening than the other scenarios that can potentially play out when flying.

But that’s not the real reason I hate to fly. I hate flying because I’m an inveterate germaphobe and what scares me more than dying in a massive ball of fire is contracting some sort of communicable and incurable illness like tuberculosis. Just the idea of sharing that stale air with total (and unhygienic strangers) causes minor panic attacks in my otherwise placid disposition. In fact, the fear is so uncontrollable that my physician has to prescribe to me “calming” medications. Those tiny pills, along with a couple of brews, make me feel like I’m flying even before the aircraft takes off and I don’t care if some fat slob is coughing all over my airline penis peanuts.

Not only that but my debonair alter ego often rears his congenial head when I’m slightly “relaxed” so I can charm any would-be terrorists into capitulating. Of course, there is another alter ego that can show up and he is not so much charming as he is brave stupid. If said terrorists don’t give up peacefully, this character is likely to take matters into his own hands because he’s not going down without a fight.

I realize you have your choice in blogs so thank you for choosing to “fly” with Steely Dad. Have a great trip.

http://intensedebate.com/people/steelydad steelydad

I'd just like to say that Zain is a close personal friend of Steely Dad and Steely Wife. We love and admire her and would never openly mock our close friend. She has a great sense of humor and easily laughs at herself. To us, she is stll the greatest reporter…EVER!!!
http://www.awalkinmyshoes.com Melody

I absolutely adore your writing style! Keep it up..
http://intensedebate.com/people/steelydad steelydad

Thanks for the kind words, Melody. It's comments like yours that make all this worth while. Please keep coming back and tell your friends. I hope to see you become a regular contributor to the Steely Dad Nation!
http://lifeofanewdad.blogspot.com Otter

I never want to fly with kids but I do fly for my job a little bit. I am now considering faking a condition so I can get some of those pills. They almost make flying sound fun.
BRen

Germaphobe? Coughing on peanuts.. Come on Steely Dad…. let's see some Steel… You didn't let your girl right this blog did you? The only thing you need to worry about is the Steely kids running up and down the plane doing cartwheels on 5 hour sugar rush.

BTW your weather in IL was a high of 46 with a chance of Rain… welcome back to Cali…. 70 sunny all day… maybe that can calm your germophobe issues….

I will call you after I done with 18 and you are on the ground. Sounds like you need a Steely infusion… Gump.
Masa

Hey Steely Dad hope you had a fun flight. Love your blog!
http://www.steelydad.com Steely Dad

Glad you enjoy my blog. Hope to see you again and again!
http://www.steelydad.com Steely Dad

Hey Otter,
Good to see you again. Thanks for supporting the Steely Dad Nation and contributing with some great comments. Flying with A KID is not that bad. My son was great when we took him on a trip. Flying with more than one is downright awful and I’m sure the misery becomes exponentially worse with each kid in tow. As far as the pills go, they’ve done studies. 60% of the time they work everytime
http://mysupernormallife.blogspot.com/ May

Well. What can I say? Except perhaps, did you know that pinworm eggs can float up in the air and be inhaled by an innocent passerby? The eggs will naturally travel downwards until they hatch and become worms of which the female kind will, when the night comes, exit the host's anus and lay approximately 10 000 – 20 000 invisible eggs in the proximity of the said anus. Of the gazillion eggs, some will hatch quickly and crawl back up, and some will be transferred to toilet seats, underwear, pyjama pants, hotel bed covers, linen, sofas, toys, kitchen countertops and even in the air, from where another passerby will inhale them. But there is also a kind of self sufficient shortcut which particularly applies to 2-4 year old kids. Namely they will scratch their butts at night (because the egg laying business irritates the skin of the host) and bring their fingers in their mouths unless they have dummies (and if they have dummies, the eggs will probably just live on them forever anyway). And even if they don't put their hands in their mouths, some eggs will have found their way under the person's fingernails, and become transferred basically anywhere. And in that anywhere place these eggs may survive for two whole goddamn weeks, just waiting for yet another passerby they can use.

And did you know that there is treatment for the worms, but no treatment for the eggs? You just have to hunt them down and disinfect and disinfect and disinfect and once you're done disinfecting, you'll never ever want to be in a contained space with another human being EVER AGAIN, because maybe you're flying over the continent and someone's kid happens to have pinworms… and the whole shit starts all over again. I'm not bitter, just stating some truths for the record.

Have a nice trip, otherwise. )
http://mysupernormallife.blogspot.com/ May

Contained? Confined? The pinworm hunting is making my brain melt.
http://www.steelydad.com Steely Dad

You’re freaking me out now with the pin worms!
http://www.steelydad.com Steely Dad

I hate germs and I love being home where all the germs are mine and those of my brood.